Tuesday, January 30, 2007

*Grumble....freakin' neighbors...Grumble Grumble*

I was a good kid last night, I went to bed at 10:30, I was going to have an awesome night of sleep, but apparently it was not in the plans for my night.

At 4:18 this morning, I rolled over and was awoken by an obnoxious blaring beep in my ear. It was kind of similar to some sort of alarm, but I don’t think it was an alarm. After wondering for quite sometime “What the fuck is that?” I figured out it was not in fact, my laptop, my mp3 player, my TV or DVD player, my Refrigerator, my bathroom, my kitchen, a or bomb set to go off in my room. It was coming from my neighbor’s apartment. I figured it would stop after 15 minutes….then after 20….then after 45…finally after an hour and a half I got so fed up that I yanked all my blankets off my bed, my pillow, and crawled into my closet to sleep. (my closet has a door and I figured that would help block out the sound) I could barely, faintly hear the annoying beep. Normally this would not be a problem ignore it just a little and it would be fine, but since my brain had been focused on it for so long that was all I could hear.

Maybe it was the evil monkey’s plot to ensure I was super tired and grumpy today, or maybe it was even part of Benedict’s evil plan to squash the Black Vatican, but whatever it was, when I finally crawled out of the closet this morning the awful noise had stopped.

Monday, January 29, 2007


The world is coming to an end!!! RUN for Your LIVES!!!!
...... Wait, you mean...the evil space monkeys and tarantulas aren't attacking? ...Oh *clears throat* right, then. Well, go back about your business, nothing further to see here except a busy schedule.

It official, well as official as it can be right now, I am going to Ellensburg, WA in a little less than three weeks for the Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival, or ACTF. We will be gone for an entire week, and there is so much to get done. I am working on three of the five productions this semester, and working 30 hrs. a week. Is there really enough time to get everything done before the semester ends?? I am also helping out with the lighting of one of the 10 minute One Acts that we are performing at ACTF which is super exciting!

Maybe I have official snapped, or maybe it's the Stockholm Syndrome talking, but I kind of like the cold weather. The crisp walk to classes wakes me up in the morning, and lately they have been beautiful with the bright blue sky and crisp white ground. At night it is fun to watch snowflakes fall in the street lights. The cold reminds me that I am alive, reminds me also that I am not permanent.

I’m working on a new poem and I figured I share it:

there is self loathing love abounds
there is little to do and little to say
and leaves and snowflakes on the ground

a breaking heart does not make a sound
I think I could be better for you another day
there is self loathing love abounds

I am looking to be lost, and you to be found
It is cold here with the breeze coming off
of the mountains capped in snow

and leaves and snowflakes on the ground

our words only circle and confound
we can't say what we want to say
there is self loathing love abounds

neither of us dares to expound
there are prices here we cannot pay
and leaves and snowflakes on the ground

before you're out of sight, I turn around
you look at your feet, or the other way
there is self loathing love abounds
and leaves and snow flakes on the ground

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Shoestrings of Death

I hate shoestrings nowadays. None of the really cool ones are long enough for normal shoes anymore. I received an awesome pair of Gir (Yay! Gir!) shoelaces for Christmas-ish kinda. Anyways I wear wide vans skate shoes, after the horrible struggle of getting them laced; I come to find that they are not even long enough to tie! Apparently this is the next step in American laziness. ‘Parently they are made wide so they don’t loosen your shoes, but you still don’t have to tie them. I think this is retarded, I want to tie my damn shoes! I know I could go back to my old shoelaces which worked just fine, but damn it, I like my new Gir ones, well only if they would tie.

The hair has changed once again!! Yay no more horrible roots or weird peach orange hair. Once I get access to a digital camera or phone with half-way decent picture taking I will hopefully be able to show you all.

I played with table saws and a screwdriver today w00t!

Ooohh and for all of you web-comic fans out there…I know your there it’s okay. I have found a teh awesome website that has a large selection of alcoholic beverages based on various web-comics. Some of them aren't really alcoholic beverages... but rather attempts at comedy. So ya know if it says cyanide or anti-freeze you really shouldn’t drink it, because you know, ya might die! But they are funny and awesome!


Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Dilliema

(bear with me on this post; yes it will be a little rocky)

Basically boils down to: yes, I am a theater major, I am spastic, I like Indian food, I am a punk, I can cook, I have a huge heart and get my heart broken easily, I grew up in Small Town, Wyoming, I am a geek…..I like both girls and boys, I am queer. But the last line people tend to see as all someone is, and as stated is not true, that is one of the last things I want someone to know about me.

I have always struggled with this, and I think a lot of people in the queer community do as well. I am very involved in social change and making the world safer for everyone, I choose to focus my energy on the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered community. I am an activist. Sometimes, though, I feel that when we are out spoken, people see me as the queer activist and that is all, and that terrifies me. I am not sure why, probably because I worry way too much about my self-image and how others view me. When we do events, part of me is always asking, is this necessary? Are we just putting the spot light on ourselves again? And the other part of me is saying “yes!” if we don’t bring up these issues who will, when will it become comfortable to talk about freely? We’re not trying to get special treatment, we have no agenda, and we just want the same basic human rights as everyone else.

Last night we had a workshop between the gay community and Greek life. I was terrified, for several reasons. A.) What if they agreed to do this just because it looks good and they really do hate us? B.) What if they are really all cool, and view this as pointless and us trying create something there isn’t? C.) I talked to a friend about it, to see if they were going because I thought it would interest them because it involves their community, and I kind of got it thrown back in my face. “Yeah that’s just what we need another panel about it”, and basically said that it was pointless. It hurt, and got me to thinking about all of this. A lot of it boils down to perceptions and we talked about those last night. How we think each group is perceived by each other and the greater community. We found out that we have a lot of things in common actually. Both groups feel that we are invisible and have no real presence on campus. We are very involved in community service; we are both misperceived as having “loose morals”, no good values when it comes to hooking up and drinking. We started the workshop throwing out the idea that everyone kind of thinks of when we both think of each group: the gays are anti-Greek and the Greeks are anti-gay. It came down to breaking all of these misperceptions down, and stating that its ok to dialogue, and I think (I had to leave early), but I think we opened up some great lines of communication. The Greeks are good people, and we talked about how to make it more comfortable, more inviting for someone if they were gay or anything and wanted to rush for a house.

So….how do we balance the double edge sword, of being out and an activist, but not having that control our image and who we are? Does it matter if it is all for the greater good? Are we making a greater good by being loud? I don’t know, I know some people who are part of the queer community who do not do any sort of activism, they think we shouldn’t, we should just be able to co-exist in the world, but if we didn’t have the activism would we still be oppressed and looked down upon? Is it because they are afraid of everyone else’s perspective on them, or do they just not care. Does all boil down to apathy? And will that apathy destroy our humanity?

Currently Listening To: Namoli Brennet- We Belong

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Can't Breathe Properly

For the record I hate being sick, I feel whiny and complainy, have no energy, I feel like a pile of poo, and to top it all off breathing sucks because then I start coughing. Ok maybe not poo per say but you get the idea.

The date went well and I had a lot of fun. We have a rain -check for the movie portion, because at the time there were no great movies that either of us wanted to see. I was going to cash in the rain-check today or I should later this evening for the movie, but with being sick and all I probably won't. Blah.

It has been super cold here recently, and my apartment doesn't keep heat that well. I have a little heater down stairs in storage, but I haven't wanted to bust it out yet because well the heat I have now is free, and the heater would run on my electric bill. It might have to come to that though. For now though I think I am going to curl up under my covers, and I think Gremlins and nap is order, most definitely a nap.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

50 minutes and counting:

Until what you ask? Well duh, until 6 P.M. silly goose. And now you are probably wondering what is happening at 6 P.M. this evening, well aren't you just nosy...fine if you insist on knowing I have a dinner date. I am nervous and excited and have been going AHHHH SQUEEE AHHHH WEEE AHHHH all afternoon. I always work myself up for nothing, and so to keep myself semi-calm I have done the dishes, changed my bed sheets, and am now posting a blog, fun huh? Tomorrow concludes the first week of classes, and I actually think this semester is going to be good. I am taking Stagecraft where they are letting me play with all sorts of fun things like table saws, hand saws, jigsaws, drills, metal grinders, drill presses, oo and the most fun are the staple and nail guns! hooray! Yes I promise not to kill myself or harm myself with any of them, and yes we are quizzed on safety before we get to play with them. I am also taking Historical Geology, Dramatic Lit II, and yet another acting class.

I am all moved into my new apartment, yes I have moved yet again. This time I am living alone in a gorgeous studio apartment. The Squidy is living on her own and I am loving every minute of it. Not that I regret living in Flock Hall or up on the hill with Jen I am just excited to be able to do whatever I want whenever I want and not have to worry (too much) about disturbing anybody else ( I do apparently have a cranky downstairs neighbor, so that means no parties at Squid's). I am by no means unpacked yet, but have a good chunk of it done, all I need now is a desk, a chair, maybe another book case, and maybe a love seat. I have a closet almost the size of the one I lived in Flock Hall it is fabulous!!!

I have become a sickly one, and I am very upset about this because damn it, it is the first week of school! and I have a date tonight! Thanks to Airborne and Decongestants, I am feeling better than I was this morning after a night of horrible dreams on NyQuil.

*breathes and gets ready to answer the door*