Thursday, November 30, 2006


My head hurts, my stomach hurts. What this means? The end of the semester is upon us.
I didn't mean for the words to hurt my friend, but they did. I can say I'm sorry a thousand times but it won't matter. I told you I didn't want to tell you, I told you didn't want to know. I know I was being stupid about it, that it was ridiculous, but still it was the way I felt, I'm sorry. Lately I've kind of felt like shit. I'm frustrated, and feeling disconnected from myself. Can we say yay! for the end of the semester? For now I will leave you with links because that is all I got.
All the Futurama you can stand for free on the internet!
Nasa's Findings on Caffeine
An Awesome looking movie
From Russia With Love: A documentary on Tetris
Your very own stuffed microbe

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Guess What!!??

IT'S SNOWING!!!! It's snowing, It's snowing, oh oh, oh yeah its snowing!!! *does the happy dance around the computer lab* *happydance in the chair*
and has been since last night. :D Makes me a happy kid, for the most part.

I sometimes find it so intriging and frustrating at the same time that we have to have things so defined, in our lives, our relationships, our futures. A really good friend told me though that, "I would rather know where my limits are, then trip over them and lose everything." I have to agree. I am still pondering the answer to a question another friend asked me, why is history such a big deal, why does it play such a big role in relationships, why does it matter? That I have no answer too.

There is basically four weeks of classes left and then finals. Crap crap crappity crap!!! I have managed to do even more damage to my glasses then just have my lens fall out, I snapped the frame! Oh yay! So now they are being held together with super glue and wire, yes I realize how big of a dork this makes me. My friends in all of their graciousness though have started a collection for my birthday present to get me new glasses, any one want to contribute? I might be moving to another place in December it would be a little bit more expensive but it would be an actual house and much closer to campus. I want fuzzy blankets, hot coco, cuddles, Jim Henson movies, and flanel PJ's anyone want to join?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

How did we get here?

The snow wasn’t here to stay; it usually isn’t in October anymore. It seems like it use to be when I was little. We would get a horrible snowstorm in October and the world would be covered in white until April at least. Not so much anymore. The last couple of days have been unusually warm and this catches me off guard. I want the world to be knee deep in snow, at least so I know what time of year it is, at least I know that truth.

Why do we, as humans need to have everything defined down to a pinpoint? Why do we put so much focus on communication, the need to be heard, the need to be understood, by someone, anyone? Why do we feel like we need to have a connection with others, to be close to others, the need to be with someone? I know we like things defined so there are not many questions involved, it is easier to understand this way, no grey matter. It makes our lives simplistic and that is what we strive for, simplicity. The need for connection comes from human nature, and that fact we as a species do not live well in seclusion. Some of us try to think that we are happier that way, but overall this does not work. We like talking to others, we like interacting.
A famous poet put it in more eloquent words than this, “No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.”~ John Donne.
There are people who would disagree with this quote, but I wonder, why? I have focused on trying to connect with someone to feel what others feel in a relationship. I have realized that I give too much, I love too much, I care too much, for others. Some would say that this is a curse, and at times, I do too, but others say that this is also a gift. I wonder sometimes if there comes a breaking point, in which there is no more to give of oneself.
“Some where along the way my heart became yours without my permission.”
“some people wear their heart up on their sleeve
i wear mine underneath my right pant leg strapped to my boot
don't think cause i'm easy i'm naive
don't think i won't pull it out
don't think i won't shoot –Ani DiFranco, Out of Me
Sometimes I wish I could hide my heart better, but if I did, I wouldn’t be me.

I think now it is late enough and I am on too little sleep, and too much caffeine that I am rambling again. Nevertheless, I do have one more thing to say, I am getting better at accepting the fact that the only constant in life is change. We are constantly changing as people, if we stay stagnant and don’t move forward what better are we?