Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Friend.

Main Entry: 1friend
Pronunciation: 'frend
Function: noun
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : ACQUAINTANCE
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion
- be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with
- make friends with : to establish a friendship or friendly relations with

* from Merriam-Webster Online http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=friend&x=0&y=0

And a 6 letter word that breaks my heart every time.

Any time I try to tell some one I like them more just a friend and would like to see the relationship evolve into something more this is the response I usually get: "I think we should just be friends." "I like you too much as a friend." "You're kinda like a little sister to me.", or the fun "You're one of the guys Brittany I couldn't date you, it would just be weird." Hey, just what I need another friend, right? Maybe I should look at the fact that maybe they do just need a friend to hang out with, that I should take good friends as a compliment. There will be others as everyone says, my one is still out there somewhere, I guess. But it still doesn't make the hurt any less, or make me feel that I will always only be a friend and am not worthy of anything more....but being a friend is better than nothing, right? Friendship has it's perks, and maybe they can introduce me to one of there friends and who knows they might turn out to be more than a friend.

So that's it for now, just friends, you and me, I guess.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Can it be true summer is already half way gone?

Punk rock shows...Christian music festivals...Open container days...random house parties. This what my weeks have been filled with for the most part so far. Along with working my ass off at two jobs, but not anymore :D!!!!!

About a week and a half ago I was hired at StarTek, which means after training I will working full-time and benefited, doubly w00t! Last night I also walked into the Overland and basically told them to go to shove there heads up something that wasn't there own ass...ok, maybe not really, but I did quit. I got sick of none of the other dishwashers doing their job, getting semi-accused of stealing random shit ( why would I take the egg slicer?), but the thing that pushed me over the edge was being accused of underaged drinking in the kitchen with everyone else when in fact I wasn't drinking at all that night. The other undergaed person who was drinking and myself were told we had to right a letter of apology to the owner for our behavior explaining our actions, and saying sorry...because he treats us well and pays us good (bullshit...oh did I say that?) so I walked in last night an hour before my shift and told them I wasn't working that night or ever again.

I now live with 5 other roomates...and I serioudly need to build a loft one of these days. Even though I live with them it feels like I hardly spend time with or see them any more because we are always around each other but we don't "hang out" like we use to. That's ok though momst of us are still trying to fit into a routine of somekind. This past weekend was spent in South Dakota at a two day music festival, I could bore you all with detials, but I'll just say I was at the front on the gate for Jars of Clay which made my month!

In less than a month I am goin to be in another wedding.., crap can it really be that soon? I should probably try on the dress tonight to make sure it fits. I am really more excited for after the wedding becuase then I will be able to dye my hair with the dye I bought close to a month ago or over, and maybe even punch more holes into me as well.

"guess there's something wrong with me
guess i don't fit in
no one wants to touch it
no one knows where to begin
i've got more than one membership
to more than one club
and i owe my life
to the people that i love
...
some days the line i walk
turns out to be straight
other days the line tends to
deviate
i've got no criteria for sex or race
i just want to hear your voice
i just want to see your face" ~Ani DiFranco, In or Out