Wednesday, June 06, 2007

There is always a break in the clouds.

I went to my step-sister's graduation from middle school on Monday night. The area my parents live and my step-sisters live is in really rich Suburban Upper Middle-class White America. So walking into the gymnasium I automatically felt the stares. I was automatically looked down upon, and it is the first time in a long time that I have felt small. Between the looks and the whispers, especially from Aidan's parents (his mom was wearing an Armani suit) and one point there was a horrid comment about the metal in my face, ("I hope she gets struck by lighting") from Aidan's mom.

My step-sisters hardly said more than a handful of words to me, and I was not invited for family pictures afterwards. I stood off to the side in a swarm of people willing myself not to cry, I didn't want to let them see that I was actually hurt. Standing off to the side feeling really displaced, a girl who had just graduated came by looked at me, and put her head down and walked forward, but then stopped and turned back and stood next to me. A second passed and I was curious as to where this was going to lead, then she leaned over and said,"Ssshhh don't tell anyone but I have a lip piercing too," I looked at her and she had a little clear plastic one barely visible. Then she said, "But don't tell anyone here, nobody knows, actually there are a lot of things no one knows about me here."
I looked at her and smiled and said, "Yeah? I know the feeling. I really know that feeling, but don't worry your secret is safe with me."

She said, "Yeah I can't wait to meet people I can actually feel like can be my friends, true friends." I told her, "be patient, I know it is hard, but it will happen. Trust me, you'll find your friends and they can become your family." She said, "really?!" I smiled and nodded, then she gave me a half hug and said "thank you very much." I said "No worries, my lips are sealed." I made the zipper motion, she smiled and walked away.

Eventhough I was in hell for the night, I made someone else feel like they weren't such a freak, in the minds of every one around us. I got the chance to make someone smile, when I was on the verge of tears. I like to think I also put some hope in her life that things will get better, gave me the hope that I can get through this week with little blessing like that. Blessings of any kind can come in the smallest packages, the gloomy storm over had a break in the clouds for a brief second, and I connected with a life that I will probably never meet again.

10 comments:

Flynn said...

I'm sorry that that you had to deal with that hun, I wish I could give you a hug.

It's a good thing you were able to help that girl feel better, I imagine she thinks the world of you right now.

Keep a stiff upper lip love, you'll be home before you know it :)

Modig_Bjorn said...

I have a hug waiting for you when you get back Brit.

His Sinfulness said...

The world is full of assholes. We are related to some of them. We try to stay away from them for the most part. We feel obligated to join them at life events, like graduations. At those times, they have the chance to prove that they are no longer assholes. Sometimes, they fail.

It's good that life gives us these moments. We get to see where we have been, and how far we have come. We get to see who we don't want to be, and we get a new appreciation of where we are now. We get the opportunity to say, "my life might not be perfect, but at least THIS isn't my life anymore."

Keep the faith, Alter Boi. There is a candle burning here until you return home.

MightyMightyMax said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but good job making someone else feel better. It'll be over soon and you'll be back with the flock, I will too for that matter.

Nerdygirl said...

I.am.so.proud.of.you.

~A said...

Britt...nothing but love, pride, and admiration for you. Keep the sun out of your eyes and be yourself.

Squid said...

Thank you guys. If it were not for you, all of you, I would never have had the courage or the love in my heart to do it. The hugs will be much appreciated when I get home, trust me. :) I am more pride and in awe of her for having the courage to make the first move to let your true self show.

Squid said...

..or ya know *I am more proud* not pride...slight differences there.

Emily said...

aw, brit...this post made me cry a bit. i'm so happy you had the chance to brighten someone's day. :)

Big Gay Jim said...

Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?