Monday, September 08, 2008

Getting Back to the Heart.

For months now, I have tried to find something to write about on here. I’ve moved around a lot this summer, no not cities, just different houses. Over Labor Day weekend one of my theatre friends and I found a great deal on an apartment just two blocks away from campus. I’m excited about the house, and plans of costume parties, dinners, and just hanging out in our place. It’s nice to be getting settled in again. There are piles of boxes in the dining room, and I still haven’t moved my dresser in yet, but slowly things are starting to come together.

I’ve been dating a girl for about 4 months now. It’s been an interesting go. I’ve known her for a few years. We met back when I was living at Flock Hall 1. I had the biggest crush on her, but she turned me down when I told her I liked her, because when we first met the first thing she asked me was “Are you gay?” We were hanging out with a bunch of friends, friends who I was not yet out to, so I clumsily denied it. So she made herself not like me.

This is the longest relationship I’ve had. It has been difficult at times because I feel like we’re not quite on the same intellectual level, although she is always eager to try to learn. I don’t know if this is to impress me and my friends, or it that she really does want to learn. She graduated high school, and never made any attempt to go to college, she’s happy working a 9-5 job, but I don’t know what she wants from life. I’m also unsure of where I want this relationship to go. I know that once I graduate, I’m leaving Laramie. I think she is ready to, not necessarily settle down, but get a house and start building a life. It is hard for me to say this, but I don’t know if I can see her in my life in the future, two, five years down the road. Don’t get me wrong, this summer was amazing. We spoil each other, make each other laugh, but something seems missing and I’m not sure what it is.

Speaking of relationships, one of my very good friends has found himself an amazing boyfriend. It’s been wonderful to see their relationship bloom. If you want to read about it, and get all giddy, go congratulate him over here.

I picked up a second job this semester doing data entry work. So, I am now working 30 hours a week, and talking 14 credits. It not as horrible as it sounds, I still get to do homework in the computer labs, and get most of my weekends free. I hope to be working on two productions, the student one acts, and the dance show.

I’ll try updating more often. Things have been hectic for a while, but I think a calm in the storm is coming.

As a human race we are always evolving, changing to the environment around us. We grow as people, hopefully for the better. Experiences have a way of opening our eyes to seeing something different. Remember to try and go with the flow, it’s a little easier that way, and never let yourself get stepped on or used, that one was a hard one to learn at the end of this summer. Remember your value as a human being, and never let anyone take that away from you.


Big Gay Jim said...

Welcome back to the blogosphere, and a very beautiful post, dearheart. Let it hereby be known that the Squid has been on one helluva ride this summer, and has weathered the storms with grace, dignity, and maturity. Mama Gay couldn't be more proud.

Rose said...

Yay! She's back in blogoland! I'm all sorts of excited now! Congrats on a new home, I hope I can come over and check it out. I'm happy you've come to a fairly decent point in your life. We need to get together soon. I love you lots!

Flynn said...

Good post sweetie, I'm glad you've settled comfortably.
The girlfriend situation is nice... umm does she read your blog? :S
I'm glad you're back into school / work groove :)

I'll talk to you later sweetie :)

Mandy McClanahan said...

Psst....long distance hugs for you!

Love you

Cecile said...

Oh honey you have forever to figure relationships out. I hope you have been well and I've missed seeing you about. Maybe you should come to a show soon. I think MSTRKRFT is playing at the ogden toward the end of Oct.

Later dudette