The snow wasn’t here to stay; it usually isn’t in October anymore. It seems like it use to be when I was little. We would get a horrible snowstorm in October and the world would be covered in white until April at least. Not so much anymore. The last couple of days have been unusually warm and this catches me off guard. I want the world to be knee deep in snow, at least so I know what time of year it is, at least I know that truth.
Why do we, as humans need to have everything defined down to a pinpoint? Why do we put so much focus on communication, the need to be heard, the need to be understood, by someone, anyone? Why do we feel like we need to have a connection with others, to be close to others, the need to be with someone? I know we like things defined so there are not many questions involved, it is easier to understand this way, no grey matter. It makes our lives simplistic and that is what we strive for, simplicity. The need for connection comes from human nature, and that fact we as a species do not live well in seclusion. Some of us try to think that we are happier that way, but overall this does not work. We like talking to others, we like interacting.
A famous poet put it in more eloquent words than this, “No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.”~ John Donne.
There are people who would disagree with this quote, but I wonder, why? I have focused on trying to connect with someone to feel what others feel in a relationship. I have realized that I give too much, I love too much, I care too much, for others. Some would say that this is a curse, and at times, I do too, but others say that this is also a gift. I wonder sometimes if there comes a breaking point, in which there is no more to give of oneself.
“Some where along the way my heart became yours without my permission.”
“some people wear their heart up on their sleeve
i wear mine underneath my right pant leg strapped to my boot
don't think cause i'm easy i'm naive
don't think i won't pull it out
don't think i won't shoot –Ani DiFranco, Out of Me
Sometimes I wish I could hide my heart better, but if I did, I wouldn’t be me.
I think now it is late enough and I am on too little sleep, and too much caffeine that I am rambling again. Nevertheless, I do have one more thing to say, I am getting better at accepting the fact that the only constant in life is change. We are constantly changing as people, if we stay stagnant and don’t move forward what better are we?