A new blog for those of you that still might be reading this:
http://squids-flourandsugar.blogspot.com/
This will be new updates of my new life and new views...
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, November 14, 2008
Second Class
There was a ballot measure this election in California to elminate marriage for certain people. Yes, the gays. It is hard for me to grasp that in this day and age when we can elect an African American president, people are still trying to keep...me, my friends, my family second class citizens. Its not fair, and it hurts a lot right now.
This saturday there are nation wide protests to repeal this ballot measure and give back rights to thousands and thousands of people who had them two weeks ago. If this upsets you as much as it does me, call your representatives, talk about it, act out - peacefully. Let California know that not just the gays are pissed off right now.
Here are some links if you're not quite sure what I am talking about.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Proposition_8_(2008)
http://www.towleroad.com/2008/11/we-did-it.html
Although, to end this post on a high note, Connecticut started gay marriages on Wednesday this week.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Ten years.
A decade. Ten small trips around the sun. Ten years ago I was 11 and in 6th grade, and to me back then ten years seemed like an eternity. There were so many other things to get through first, the horrible years of middle school that were so awkward and rough. High school, 16th birthdays, driver’s licenses, 18th birthdays, graduation. College wasn’t even a thought on my mind back then. I was trying to find my own niche again. The one I had in elementary school with my boys; John, Christian, Cory, Jonathen, and Curtis was being dissolved. I was no longer allowed to be “one of the guys”. The social structure of friendships was rapidly changing with the onset of puberty, and I was being left behind. We had all spent that summer together rebuilding our fort in the park that had been damaged by winter, floating the creek, and making our own scenes to Warriors of Virtue(yes we were obsessed, and geeky. we had seen it the fall before and couldn’t get enough of it) Once school started things started to change, we tried hanging out still but once the others girls in my grade knew I was still spending the nights with all of them, they started spreading viscous rumors that I was sleeping with all of them. I was hurt and offended, but apparently that’s what boys and girls were supposed to do together in middle school. So, slowly the boys and I started to drift.
Ten years ago a young man on the other side of the state from me lost his life. I remember first hearing about it. A young man who was attending college at UW had been horribly beaten. That was how my homeroom teacher put it. She was late and had came in crying, all puffy-eyed, red nose, and blotchy. I remember thinking what could be so horrible that our teacher is crying in front of us. She was so upset when she explained what had happened; a kid named Matthew Shepard had been beaten almost to death and left tied to a fence. She told us no matter what, it is not ok to hurt someone, taunt someone, tease or call names at someone who is different. I could understand that, I felt so different from my peers those first couple months of middle school. I didn’t know then that I would turn out to be very similar to Matthew Shepard, coming out my freshman year of college, I had no clue back then that my differences could be that I was queer. I know now the reason why my home room teacher took it so hard, was that her only son, I think about the same age as Matt was gay too, he didn’t attend UW, but now looking back I can understand how hard that must have hit her.
I didn’t know how to process any of this. I would have gone and talked to my dad about it but it was my mom’s week, and there was no way I was talking to her. That summer we had moved in with her latest boyfriend on a ranch a couple miles outside town. I took the bus home as normal, went about my chores of feeding the chickens, shoveling out the stalls, and piling hey bails on the truck so I didn’t have to do the next morning when I went to feed the horses. That night as the three of us, my mom, her boyfriend, and I ate dinner and watched the news, the same story was on. I watched wanting to cry, but something told me that was not a good idea. After the story finished we were all silent, and the boyfriend point blank looked at the TV and said, “The fag deserved it.” That was the end of the discussion, never to be talked about again in that house.
A lot has changed in my life in ten years. I moved away from my family. Became a liberal college student *laughs*. I came to terms with my own sexuality and came out. I go to the same school that Matt attended for a few short months, and now I work to better this place, not only for Matt but every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender student on this campus. So they know that this is a safe place for them. I have always wanted to change the world. That was what I would answer as what I wanted to be when I grew up in elementary school, someone who changed the world. I want the world to be a safer place for my kids (if I ever have any, god forbid) than I grew up in, no matter what. I am working for a safer place for not just queer folks, but people of race, and different religions, I work to fight all forms of discrimination. We have to act up and speak out in our lives or nothing is ever going to change.
A lot of focus has been on the ten year anniversary of Matt’s death. And some people have been angry that not more has changed, that there is no monument to Matt, but there is more to it than that. It is the little things in our everyday lives. The fact that last week I walked past a group of students in the classroom building and a kid had said, “That’s so gay.” And one of his friends turned on him and told him if he was to be in her presence he could never use that phrase again. The fact that we have more and more people coming out, and at ever younger ages. Yes, there is still violence and hate in this world, but we are working on it, and I hope you help us. Don’t put up with intolerance, hell don’t even put up with tolerance lets strive for celebrating, for embracing one another no matter how different we are.
I came out to my mom this summer, and she didn’t disown me like I was terrified she would. Instead she told me over the phone, “that’s ok, that’s fine. So it’s a big deal, wait no, it’s not a big deal. You are still my daughter and I still love you.” She was supportive of me, the first in a very very long time. So you see things can change, no I haven’t come out to the boyfriend who is now my stepfather, but maybe with time, we’ll see. I am seeing change all across this country and it is amazing. I met people last week who were the same age as me and had come out in middle school, went through getting beat up, and is now speaking to campuses about the need to fight hate and injustice.
So, today what are you doing to fight discrimination, are you letting people get away with slurs, and name calling? Let people know you’re ok with them just the way they are, and they couldn’t be more beautiful for it. Oh and by the way we can’t fight fire with fire, so yelling and beating back is no way to fix our problem of intolerance k? Just an fyi.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” –Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence.
Ten years ago a young man on the other side of the state from me lost his life. I remember first hearing about it. A young man who was attending college at UW had been horribly beaten. That was how my homeroom teacher put it. She was late and had came in crying, all puffy-eyed, red nose, and blotchy. I remember thinking what could be so horrible that our teacher is crying in front of us. She was so upset when she explained what had happened; a kid named Matthew Shepard had been beaten almost to death and left tied to a fence. She told us no matter what, it is not ok to hurt someone, taunt someone, tease or call names at someone who is different. I could understand that, I felt so different from my peers those first couple months of middle school. I didn’t know then that I would turn out to be very similar to Matthew Shepard, coming out my freshman year of college, I had no clue back then that my differences could be that I was queer. I know now the reason why my home room teacher took it so hard, was that her only son, I think about the same age as Matt was gay too, he didn’t attend UW, but now looking back I can understand how hard that must have hit her.
I didn’t know how to process any of this. I would have gone and talked to my dad about it but it was my mom’s week, and there was no way I was talking to her. That summer we had moved in with her latest boyfriend on a ranch a couple miles outside town. I took the bus home as normal, went about my chores of feeding the chickens, shoveling out the stalls, and piling hey bails on the truck so I didn’t have to do the next morning when I went to feed the horses. That night as the three of us, my mom, her boyfriend, and I ate dinner and watched the news, the same story was on. I watched wanting to cry, but something told me that was not a good idea. After the story finished we were all silent, and the boyfriend point blank looked at the TV and said, “The fag deserved it.” That was the end of the discussion, never to be talked about again in that house.
A lot has changed in my life in ten years. I moved away from my family. Became a liberal college student *laughs*. I came to terms with my own sexuality and came out. I go to the same school that Matt attended for a few short months, and now I work to better this place, not only for Matt but every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender student on this campus. So they know that this is a safe place for them. I have always wanted to change the world. That was what I would answer as what I wanted to be when I grew up in elementary school, someone who changed the world. I want the world to be a safer place for my kids (if I ever have any, god forbid) than I grew up in, no matter what. I am working for a safer place for not just queer folks, but people of race, and different religions, I work to fight all forms of discrimination. We have to act up and speak out in our lives or nothing is ever going to change.
A lot of focus has been on the ten year anniversary of Matt’s death. And some people have been angry that not more has changed, that there is no monument to Matt, but there is more to it than that. It is the little things in our everyday lives. The fact that last week I walked past a group of students in the classroom building and a kid had said, “That’s so gay.” And one of his friends turned on him and told him if he was to be in her presence he could never use that phrase again. The fact that we have more and more people coming out, and at ever younger ages. Yes, there is still violence and hate in this world, but we are working on it, and I hope you help us. Don’t put up with intolerance, hell don’t even put up with tolerance lets strive for celebrating, for embracing one another no matter how different we are.
I came out to my mom this summer, and she didn’t disown me like I was terrified she would. Instead she told me over the phone, “that’s ok, that’s fine. So it’s a big deal, wait no, it’s not a big deal. You are still my daughter and I still love you.” She was supportive of me, the first in a very very long time. So you see things can change, no I haven’t come out to the boyfriend who is now my stepfather, but maybe with time, we’ll see. I am seeing change all across this country and it is amazing. I met people last week who were the same age as me and had come out in middle school, went through getting beat up, and is now speaking to campuses about the need to fight hate and injustice.
So, today what are you doing to fight discrimination, are you letting people get away with slurs, and name calling? Let people know you’re ok with them just the way they are, and they couldn’t be more beautiful for it. Oh and by the way we can’t fight fire with fire, so yelling and beating back is no way to fix our problem of intolerance k? Just an fyi.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” –Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Don't Vote.
Go ahead don't vote, it's not really that important anyways right?
Seriously! This is one most cruicial elections to date.
I don't care who you vote for, so long as you vote, so!
Get out there register, and vote!
Seriously! This is one most cruicial elections to date.
I don't care who you vote for, so long as you vote, so!
Get out there register, and vote!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Changing
Yes I know the font is a little out of wack at the moment. I screwed up my html and so decided to screw it all, and just start over with a new template. It will take me some time to figure out the new layout...I'll try to make it quick...stupid templates...html....blah....in the meantime another update:
This week has been pretty good. I had my first German test on Monday, and got the test back today. I got a 96 on the test...oh yeah you heard that right, I'll have German girls swooning over me in no time with my ability to talk in German....ok well maybe that is just my fantasy :)
The rest of school is going, the weather's been great this week.
And! A link to a movie trailer...the trailer almost had me in tears, can't wait to see the movie:
http://www.towleroad.com/2008/09/milk-trailer-no.html
This week has been pretty good. I had my first German test on Monday, and got the test back today. I got a 96 on the test...oh yeah you heard that right, I'll have German girls swooning over me in no time with my ability to talk in German....ok well maybe that is just my fantasy :)
The rest of school is going, the weather's been great this week.
And! A link to a movie trailer...the trailer almost had me in tears, can't wait to see the movie:
http://www.towleroad.com/2008/09/milk-trailer-no.html
Monday, September 08, 2008
Getting Back to the Heart.
For months now, I have tried to find something to write about on here. I’ve moved around a lot this summer, no not cities, just different houses. Over Labor Day weekend one of my theatre friends and I found a great deal on an apartment just two blocks away from campus. I’m excited about the house, and plans of costume parties, dinners, and just hanging out in our place. It’s nice to be getting settled in again. There are piles of boxes in the dining room, and I still haven’t moved my dresser in yet, but slowly things are starting to come together.
I’ve been dating a girl for about 4 months now. It’s been an interesting go. I’ve known her for a few years. We met back when I was living at Flock Hall 1. I had the biggest crush on her, but she turned me down when I told her I liked her, because when we first met the first thing she asked me was “Are you gay?” We were hanging out with a bunch of friends, friends who I was not yet out to, so I clumsily denied it. So she made herself not like me.
This is the longest relationship I’ve had. It has been difficult at times because I feel like we’re not quite on the same intellectual level, although she is always eager to try to learn. I don’t know if this is to impress me and my friends, or it that she really does want to learn. She graduated high school, and never made any attempt to go to college, she’s happy working a 9-5 job, but I don’t know what she wants from life. I’m also unsure of where I want this relationship to go. I know that once I graduate, I’m leaving Laramie. I think she is ready to, not necessarily settle down, but get a house and start building a life. It is hard for me to say this, but I don’t know if I can see her in my life in the future, two, five years down the road. Don’t get me wrong, this summer was amazing. We spoil each other, make each other laugh, but something seems missing and I’m not sure what it is.
Speaking of relationships, one of my very good friends has found himself an amazing boyfriend. It’s been wonderful to see their relationship bloom. If you want to read about it, and get all giddy, go congratulate him over here.
I picked up a second job this semester doing data entry work. So, I am now working 30 hours a week, and talking 14 credits. It not as horrible as it sounds, I still get to do homework in the computer labs, and get most of my weekends free. I hope to be working on two productions, the student one acts, and the dance show.
I’ll try updating more often. Things have been hectic for a while, but I think a calm in the storm is coming.
As a human race we are always evolving, changing to the environment around us. We grow as people, hopefully for the better. Experiences have a way of opening our eyes to seeing something different. Remember to try and go with the flow, it’s a little easier that way, and never let yourself get stepped on or used, that one was a hard one to learn at the end of this summer. Remember your value as a human being, and never let anyone take that away from you.
I’ve been dating a girl for about 4 months now. It’s been an interesting go. I’ve known her for a few years. We met back when I was living at Flock Hall 1. I had the biggest crush on her, but she turned me down when I told her I liked her, because when we first met the first thing she asked me was “Are you gay?” We were hanging out with a bunch of friends, friends who I was not yet out to, so I clumsily denied it. So she made herself not like me.
This is the longest relationship I’ve had. It has been difficult at times because I feel like we’re not quite on the same intellectual level, although she is always eager to try to learn. I don’t know if this is to impress me and my friends, or it that she really does want to learn. She graduated high school, and never made any attempt to go to college, she’s happy working a 9-5 job, but I don’t know what she wants from life. I’m also unsure of where I want this relationship to go. I know that once I graduate, I’m leaving Laramie. I think she is ready to, not necessarily settle down, but get a house and start building a life. It is hard for me to say this, but I don’t know if I can see her in my life in the future, two, five years down the road. Don’t get me wrong, this summer was amazing. We spoil each other, make each other laugh, but something seems missing and I’m not sure what it is.
Speaking of relationships, one of my very good friends has found himself an amazing boyfriend. It’s been wonderful to see their relationship bloom. If you want to read about it, and get all giddy, go congratulate him over here.
I picked up a second job this semester doing data entry work. So, I am now working 30 hours a week, and talking 14 credits. It not as horrible as it sounds, I still get to do homework in the computer labs, and get most of my weekends free. I hope to be working on two productions, the student one acts, and the dance show.
I’ll try updating more often. Things have been hectic for a while, but I think a calm in the storm is coming.
As a human race we are always evolving, changing to the environment around us. We grow as people, hopefully for the better. Experiences have a way of opening our eyes to seeing something different. Remember to try and go with the flow, it’s a little easier that way, and never let yourself get stepped on or used, that one was a hard one to learn at the end of this summer. Remember your value as a human being, and never let anyone take that away from you.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
When there are no words.
My voice. My voice comes and goes, and gets lost within everyone else’s. I lose the need to write, and ignore what I need to say most of the time. I could/should use this space to talk about happenings in the queer community, progress that has been made, and the setbacks we’ve faced this year. I could rant about politics and endorse who I am voting for. There are many other blogs out there that put those things into words better than I could.
I feel stuck in limbo at the moment. Waiting to hear back on things, waiting to see if relationships evolve, waiting to see what spring change is bringing for me. I hate waiting; I think we all do a lot of the time. It is in our waiting though a lot of the time, we lose sight of the present and reality around us. Enjoy the moments that waiting bring.
This weekend is the Bear to Make a Difference Dinner down in Denver. I had the opportunity to attend the dinner on “scholarship” (plates are $175) two years ago and it was amazing to be a part of a bigger change. This year I paid for my plate, and couldn’t be any more excited. Jim is a table captain and we will be joined with many great friends from the Denver area.
Spring Break has come and gone. I got caught up on sleep, and spent this past weekend down in Denver with MightyMightyM. He got his first ink done this weekend and it looks awesome! Had some wonderful Sushi and ate sooo much…to the point I don’t even wanna think about fish at the moment, and I love Sushi! This also means that we are past mid-semester barreling towards the end of the school year oh in basically a month.
I leave you all with some random thoughts:
The heavenly rock material that you have imbedded in my skin
is causing day dreams into outer space.
Your star graffiti-ed skin covering me
has left behind some star dust matter,
leaving me sprinkled with brilliant sparkles.
Twilight sunrises and the brilliance of solar rays are seen
somewhat differently through your galaxy.
I spend evenings testing the cosmos,
searching for hints of your matter left behind,
Trying to measure distance, time and space,
multiplying speeds of light and gravity,
Trying to reach my arms across the universe and galaxies
to grab on to part of your star-light,
Trying to locate you geographically, through star charts and graphs,
when gravity and alternate dimensions don’t match.
I should aim my focus to more earthly things
I need to quit star gazing for a while
keep my thoughts from wandering into other galaxies.
But part of human nature is to stare in awe
up into the sky and wonder what is out there.
So I’ll find my navigational star and protector Orion,
Follow the last traces, and known where about specks of your stardust
and trace my way from there.
I feel stuck in limbo at the moment. Waiting to hear back on things, waiting to see if relationships evolve, waiting to see what spring change is bringing for me. I hate waiting; I think we all do a lot of the time. It is in our waiting though a lot of the time, we lose sight of the present and reality around us. Enjoy the moments that waiting bring.
This weekend is the Bear to Make a Difference Dinner down in Denver. I had the opportunity to attend the dinner on “scholarship” (plates are $175) two years ago and it was amazing to be a part of a bigger change. This year I paid for my plate, and couldn’t be any more excited. Jim is a table captain and we will be joined with many great friends from the Denver area.
Spring Break has come and gone. I got caught up on sleep, and spent this past weekend down in Denver with MightyMightyM. He got his first ink done this weekend and it looks awesome! Had some wonderful Sushi and ate sooo much…to the point I don’t even wanna think about fish at the moment, and I love Sushi! This also means that we are past mid-semester barreling towards the end of the school year oh in basically a month.
I leave you all with some random thoughts:
The heavenly rock material that you have imbedded in my skin
is causing day dreams into outer space.
Your star graffiti-ed skin covering me
has left behind some star dust matter,
leaving me sprinkled with brilliant sparkles.
Twilight sunrises and the brilliance of solar rays are seen
somewhat differently through your galaxy.
I spend evenings testing the cosmos,
searching for hints of your matter left behind,
Trying to measure distance, time and space,
multiplying speeds of light and gravity,
Trying to reach my arms across the universe and galaxies
to grab on to part of your star-light,
Trying to locate you geographically, through star charts and graphs,
when gravity and alternate dimensions don’t match.
I should aim my focus to more earthly things
I need to quit star gazing for a while
keep my thoughts from wandering into other galaxies.
But part of human nature is to stare in awe
up into the sky and wonder what is out there.
So I’ll find my navigational star and protector Orion,
Follow the last traces, and known where about specks of your stardust
and trace my way from there.
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